Friendships: High Mortality Rate

Every so often I make a mental list of all my "friends." It's never a huge list.

I'll go through each name, take the temperature of our relationship, then formulate some hypothesis about the life expectancy of the friendship.

It's not generally a conscious thing, more of a compulsive activity.

Several years ago I read something - lyrics galvanized in time by some mid-century folk band, I believe - which effectively captured the nature of relationships. Something along the lines of: Some people come into your life for a reason, some for a season, and others for a lifetime.

The idea struck me then, and I've found it applicable to my life over the years. In a way, it has become a personal mantra. It has made the saying of goodbyes somewhat easier, the acceptance of absolution less challenging.

I believe that each of life's interactions account for a small piece of the puzzle, together comprising a work that explains our existence. Each is a clue to explaining where we've been, and certainly, the people we've become in the process.

For that reason, I feel no regret for the things that have transpired between myself and my friends, my acquaintances, my lovers. Each relationship has served some purpose beyond the obvious social arrangement. In every case, I have learned from the other and I hope, have somehow enabled the other's growth.

My perspective does not in any way suggest that there is no loss involved. Determining what category a relationship falls into - reason, season, lifetime - is seldom easy. Knowing if and when to sever ties can become an exhausting pursuit, but the periodic evaluation, and therefore, self-reflection is paramount if I am to maximize my time here.

There's little sense in remaining a part of something whose costs greatly outweigh its benefits, and on the other hand, no sense in forgoing some greater happiness for the sake of short-term ease of movement.

The idea of the relational relvolving door can, if one is not mindful, become an excuse for isolation; my greatest challenge has been using the theory as a means of achieving personal evolution and long-term satisfaction.