Lifestyle Polygamy

I’m not sure whether I believe in fate, or destiny, or whatever you want to call it. Sometimes, with the way things take shape, it’s difficult to believe that life is anything but predestined – like some complicated course our brain follows, unbeknownst to our consciousness. Still, though, there are always times that I’m made aware of how markedly different my life could have been had I made this particular decision or that.

And what about “callings?” Do I believe in those? That’s a tough one, too. I think that I grew up assuming I’d find mine, because it was always some highly idealized thing, almost an expectation that I should one day realize my purpose for being here. But, after awhile I began to think that that was a load of bullshit that the supposedly older, wiser population spewed forth because that’s what their parents did with them. We don’t really have callings, just like we don’t ever meet Prince Charming - who also happens to be ridiculously good-looking, wealthy, and all that – we don’t have the 2.5 kids and then reside oh-so-happily with them in the suburbs, yet we still hear these tales over and over again.

So, yeah, that’s what I came to think, after awhile. But, where am I now? I do feel as though I’m being pulled in a particular direction, though its vastly different than the one I thought five or six years ago I’d be headed. So is it that I’ve just come to realize my niche, or is it that this path will be a means to yet another end?

Perhaps more accurate is that we have multiple fates, just as we have multiple Prince Charmings. There is no one path we should take, no one career, no one perfect mate. There are likely several of each, and what we have to decide is what we’re willing to live with, to sacrifice, in order to make each one a reality in our lives. Right now, I see two vastly different lives stretching out before me and I have no fucking clue which one I’m going to opt for, because I want both.

In some ways, I wish I were obligated by destiny, because the element of choice would be removed and if things didn’t work out as I’d hoped, I’d have fate to blame instead of myself.