And Now: Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy

There's a popular theory among sociologists regarding the perpetuation of some social problems. It's called the "labeling theory," and it holds that deviant behavior is the result of individuals being defined and labeled as deviants. Essentially, it is a form of self-fulfilling prophecy.

Rather than concentrating on the situational influences that affect one's behavior, we generally make assumptions and form beliefs about an individual based on their visible behavior(s). For example, if I were in a department store and I saw a woman berating a service clerk, I might assume that the woman had a bad temper simply because she was yelling. It's possible that she does, but I don't know the factors that influenced her behavior in that instance. Instead, she becomes a "mean woman" or a "loose cannon." Consequently, if I were around her enough or somehow came to know her personally, I might treat her as such, and she'd likely become that which I already believed her to be.

I wonder if this theory comes in to play for me, personally. I am told fairly often that I am "weird." And it's generally by people whose opinions I value, or whom I know on some personal level. Most of the time, it doesn't bother me - I think I'm weird too. But I think I'm weird in a good way. Sometimes though - and especially recently - I assume by a person's tone that their labeling of me as "weird" is not a particularly good thing.

As much as I value my individuality, and as fiercely as I strive to maintain some level of uniqueness, I am increasingly afraid of it. Sometimes, I use my idiosyncrasies as reasons to alienate myself from others. I have this ability to hide the very core of who I am, without realizing it until I'm removed from the situation. I've begun to feel a tinge of embarassment when I let my guard down - and this is just not me (or the person I want to be). It's unacceptable.

I always feel an intense need to be comfortable in a given situation and around particular people. As a rule, I avoid both if I feel my ability to act naturally is threatened. But lately, I have felt ill at ease around many people I ought not to, I've felt uncomfortable and almost blacklisted amongst those who are supposed to be my friends. Am I, as a result of what I think these people expect from me, becoming "weird?" Have their averse reactions become so deeply imbedded in my psyche that they have compelled me to change my behavior, and therefore, develop a different personality? Because, it's not always our personalities that dictate our behaviors, but our behaviors that dictate our personalities.

There's probably no way to know with certainty, but the thought scares the shit out of me in a way few things can.