Musings on Euroville

Written 22 July 2005, the day after I returned from 4 months in Europe
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I don’t know whether I set out on my travels with some subconscious motive, or whether the mission truly lacked definition. Which is the preferable scenario, I am not certain, though on some level I’d like to think that the journey was purely organic. That is, I set out with no expectation and anticipated its development. At one point, another traveler whom I met at a hostel in Venice asked me whether my decision to travel alone could be attributed to a desire for soul-searching. I didn’t exactly know how to answer the question…sure, I had hoped that the experience would allow me to become more in tune with myself, but this is something I hope for in many - even ordinary - situations. Yet, I couldn’t deny it outright.

In time, the question was answered on its own. This trip has taught me much, and I’m sure a great deal more will take shape and solidify, revelations occurring gradually within the confines of my mind. But to begin with, it was a personal test: I wanted to know that I could do such a thing on my own. It gave me confidence and showed me that I could be pliable, adaptable. I liked the idea of going into the unknown without a rigid itinerary, having to think on my feet. Sure, elements of stress and anxiety were introduced, but I think that the benefits most certainly outweighed the costs. And, were I traveling with another person, a “fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants” approach would be far less realistic. On another level, and a somewhat more abstract one, I wanted Europe to speak to me. I had a desire to understand the stronghold that it has seemed to have over me, why it is that I have felt so drawn to the region. It was, in my estimation, an out-of-the-ordinary interest; sure, most everyone who has never been to Europe wants to visit. But, I felt as though there was something there for me that I needed, that couldn’t be obtained elsewhere…some missing piece. Though I had these bizarre ideas, I was not certain that there would be any resolution or any concrete realizations on my part. So, I concluded that I couldn’t develop expectations regarding that facet of my desires.

The many train journeys I took, the ferry rides, subway rides…all afforded me a great deal of time to contemplate my life, my direction, my goals. I could watch all that was occurring before me and yet retreat into my mind. It was a peaceful time, a unique opportunity. Never before had I that kind of time to devote to uninterrupted self-reflection.